Archive for the Bad Shit Category
It’s been too long. Far, far far too long since MSTRKRFT has released their electro MSTRPC (masterpiece), The Looks. Now, about 3 years later, Canada’s synth-shredding superheroes are finally ready to release their long awaited sophomore effort, Fist of God.
After 2008, an entire year deprived of quality electro, will MSTRKRFT be able to revive the young and dying genre? Will Fist of God jumpstart the electro renaissance of ’06/’07. Unfortunately, I think not.
For this second LP, those crazy Canadians have enlisted the vocal help of a slew of artists, including Ghostface Killa and E-40, but I assure you, this wont help resusitate a quickly dying breed. The only thing that this new album guarantees is the complete transformation of electro, from underground club gold to mainstream radio crud. MSTRKRFT’s tracks WILL receive radio play. I’m predicting that now. That’s not even a bold prediction, see as how Crookers have managed to seep into the airwaves through their remix of Kid Cudi’s “Day and Night.” MSTRKRFT will manage to have the first (and last) decent electro track climb up the charts, and once that happens we all know what comes next:
I’m not going to post any of their new tracks, since they aren’t that great and we’d probably be asked to take them down anyway. Instead I’m going to take you back in time, so that you can reminisce about the era in which MSTRKRFT was DFA 1979…with drum sequencers.
Today marks the release of Kanye West’s fourth full length album, entitled 808s and Heartbreak, and I have enough of an indie music spidey-sense to recognize that lame alt kids across the world will fully embrace Kanye’s most recent effort, regardless of how terrible it is.
Did I mention it’s terrible?
The album was produced entirely by West himself, with a bit of help from No I.D, in only 2 weeks. Nearly the entire album is sample free, which is a new direction of Kanye, a man once considered a sampling guru. All of the songs are love-related, and all of them include Kanye’s vocals, which are mediocre even when smothered in auto-tune effects. In the first half of the album it seems that Mr. West can’t decide whether he wants his tracks to be minimal or epic, leading to clashing tones and awkward choir synths, and songs that sound like the theme from Terminator.
Let me be blunt: There is nothing indie/alternative/counter-mainstream about listening to Kanye West. Every Kanye full-length has gone platinum many times over, meaning EVERYONE likes Kanye, not just you eclectic indie/underground hip-hop enthusiasts. I honestly love Kanye’s previous work, but if you’re going to choose any album NOT to purchase this holiday season, let 808s and Heartbreak be the one. These two tracks are some of the finer parts of the album, which isn’t saying much at all. The first features the up-and-coming Kid Cudi
This next track is the best the album has to offer, but it sounds like it was once a Chromeo B-side.
*Play this as you read for the full Pseudo-Indie Experience. Download if you wish*
It took me longer than usual to write start this post because I really don’t know what I want to say about Shwayze. There’s just too much to hate. This is a man who lives the pseudo-indie life. He inhales air and exhales pseudo-indie. Look at his disastrously overdone pseudo-minimal fashion sense. Notice his pseudo-intelligent, pseudo-clever lyricism. Let this be known: If you have your own show on MTV, YOU ARE NOT INDIE. This kind of false indie appeal should be criminalized. His style of pseudo-indie-ism deserves a whole new category name: PSEUDO-HIPSTER HOP.
I don’t need to explain this. I’ll just post a few pictures and tracks of REAL hipster hop artists.
*NOTE: Yes I know that it is stupid to categorize people as being “indie” and “hipster.” I’m sorry if people use these words against you, but people see something negative about indie music in fashion because of CRAPPY artists like Katy Perry and Shwayze.
Enter Michael Cera. He is the Katy Perry of the acting world (see post below). He is what Frankie Muniz never was (not funny and popular). Paulie Bleeker has been tearing up the indie film circuit in recent months. There is no 20 year old as popular as Evan. You have likely seen or heard of George Michael Bluth’s accolades in Arrested Development, Superbad, Juno, and most recently Nick and Norah’s something indie title. Wait… I apologize, I seem to have mixed his name up constantly in my writing, those are the characters he portrays. Would you like to know why? BECAUSE HE ALWAYS PLAYS THE SAME CHARACTER. He is the always the dorky, mostly witty, gets the girl, boring, repetitive, gets on my nerves and I want to yell at him that he has a lisp guy.
With in 6 years, I have little doubt that his dry, same ol character will surely replace Jim on The Office. He gets on my nerves because he might as well continuously be Paulie Bleeker. He doesnt act, he just exists. He also benefits from “Jim Halpert” syndrome. That is where girls love you because you’re funny and mostly dorky, and can be defined as indie, or an ‘individual’. I can only say so much about him, because his characters aren’t deep. I feel as if he sits around listening to Death Cab and eating Swedish Fish. I hear soon he will staring in a movie where he will ride around on a Fixie bike, spouting various quips at main stream adults before reconvening at a local coffee shop to discuss how movies with Shia LaBeouf suck because he sold out and works with Spielberg.
Bottom line. I hate the Things You Like, and I certainly hate Michael Cera, but only slightly less then that nasty kid Jonah Hill. Replace him with Andy Milonakis.
Here is some music. I haven’t found anything too amazing lately, but this stuff is fun.
This one takes ya back. uH.
Mase :: Feels So Good
This song sounds like they want to be Justice, so if you like them, have a listen.
Heres one off the new Kid Sister LP
Kid Sister (w/ David Banner) :: Family Reunion
This one is total fun, a Beethoven remix, suck it up and GET IT!
Walter Murphy & the Big Apple Band :: A Fifth of Beethoven (Hidden Cat’s Edit)
I do not really have a particular reason for writing this aside from just wanting to complain about SOMETHING on this fine morning. Since its a nice cool day here in Orlando (69degress), that means its time for all you mother fuckers to get out your cold weather gear. But wait… It is not nearly cold enough to start wearing scarves, gloves, leggings, right? WRONG. All you indie hipster mother fuckers busted that stuff out over SUMMER. The cold weather just means its time to further over accessorize. Basically, the jokes on you; it is Florida and will be in the mid-80’s by noon, no doubt.
Just because you bought these things doesn’t necessarily mean you have to wear them all at once. In fact, you should de-cessorize. Maybe remove the ridiculous bright yellow sunglasses. Maybe go without the randomly placed bandannas. Ease off the gun/tree/animal/random item necklace. Its a new season, a new start to your wayward fashion sense. Do not fret, I’m sure it will be cold enough soon… in Brooklyn, where most people from Florida will surely move to pursue a photography career, only to return and live in Boca when they are old.